my face betrays my feelings

I've realized I feel things with an intensity my face can never paint for others.
I hate not being able to understand my own feelings, cause if I can't, how will I ever be able to talk to anyone else about them?
There are several things I want to say to different people. So, without names, I'm gonna try-even if half of them never even read this-I still wanna say it the best way I can in effort to make sense of it all.

I don't even know what to say to you, cause you're the main reason I hurt everyday. I'll be glad when I never have to see you again. I know God put you in my life to save me from some great tragedy I might have shouldered, and I appreciate that. But, that's the extent of my gratitude.

I love you so much. I wish the years we were apart could be salvaged, but they cannot. I'm really happy that we get to spend time together, making new memories and I wish she could too. The three of us together for once since I left. I look up to your courageousness and hope I can gain some from being around you.

You're someone who means a lot to me. I'm not sure how to talk to you about the way I feel without being a jerk. It sucks and you know in a different way why. I'm sorry for doing this to you when you have no idea that I'm doing it to you.

I wasted three years on you. I'm tired of caring, so I've stopped, somewhat. I know that even though I've given up and say I don't care, I'll always care. You don't even know, but if you do know, well then, you're an even bigger jerk than I thought.

I miss you from time to time. I broke a promise to you though and I'll never forget that. I'm so sorry. It had to have been for the best though right? Maybe not, but I'm gonna tell myself that to make myself feel better. Wow, that's really superficial of me. I really can't even begin to figure out to make it better though. I wasn't ready for what you said and I hurt you because I was too scared to work it through my fear. I'm sorry.

I'm not sure what to think about you. You make me paranoid and confused but happy and effervescent at the same time. Shame on you, haha. It's my fault, really. I'm grasping at air and I'm not sure what to do. I need something to curve my low self-esteem I guess. I need to come back down to earth, escape this fairytale world I've been looking for so I don't get disappointed. We'll see.

Both of you have really been a staple in my life lately. Grounding me when I seem to lift off toward the moon, or sun, of which I'm not sure would be better for me. I'm so grateful for having the pleasure of knowing such brilliant, open-minded, mellow individuals such as you. I love you!

I've been growing away from you lately, and it's not good. I feel lost without you and I can't seem to shake off this feeling of slipping away for good. I wouldn't survive. I need to feel your prescence in my everyday life rather than just twice a week. I need to surround myself with good things in effort to keep my heart in your hands rather than my own. You're the reason I'm alive. You're the reason I am who I am. You're love, and everything good in this world. I never want to be parted from you.

There's a few, I'm sure I'll continue another time.