I'm the boss, applesauce.

mmmm,randomness in a haphazard list format
*so there was a large, fancy looking envelope on the stairs when I got home today and I was thinking my S.C. packet was here and got MAJORLY excited. Alas, it was something way less important. What a drag.
*my dad's been seriously disturbed for the past few days-one day I got pissed off and had my mad face on and he said "get that Marcie look off your face," Marcie is my biological mother therefore I look like her..."I'm sorry my appearance due to my genetics make you mad!" You know what's not hereditary? Being gay. Yup, he thinks I'm gay, or about to be. Why? Well, I was watching Project Runway and there are gay designers on it so in his mind if I watch those things I must wanna be just like them. Also my sister is gay and I hang out with her, but haven't officially dated anyone since Stephen for various reasons. If he knew about certain extracurricular events that have taken place, then he wouldn't think I'm gay, however I keep that information far away from him because I like being able to breathe, ha.
*oh college stuff, if I get into S.C. I'm not even gonna worry about Columbia cause my guidance counselor STILL! hasn't sent in my transcript though I wrote it down for her AGAIN today, grr.
*I'm pretty sure I'm rid of my stalker! woohoo! Though over the past few days I've come to find out some things about a different person that totally shattered my ideaology about him, which blows....geez, I've known him for 6 years and had no idea he was capable of being that way. Regardless, I will still be his friend.
*Heck yes, I have my expert project theme picked out-had to scrap my original idea-and it's insanity...should be intewesting, vewy, vewy interwesting. (texts to use: As I Lay Dying-Faulkner, Porphyria's Lover-Browing, The Bell Jar-Plath, and maybe even good ol' Hamlet or Ophelia) Also, I did totally wicked on my The Road-Handmaid's Tale paper and the AP Questions I had to make along with it....sooooo glad my writing has picked up!
*Oh entertainment news: I got Star Trek the day it came out and just got around to watching it on my sick day and am now obssesively drawn to Chris Pine [: If you haven't seen Shutter Island, get on it cause it's amazing (though it was similar to a Buffy episode) also, Billie finally brought back my season 2 boxset of Roswell after having it for over a year! Umm, I'm going to Supercross this weekend, so hey, cool beans. Buy-A-Beta is this week so I'm crossing my fingers that no one terrible will buy me, I want it to be fun and painless!

yup that about sums it up for me for now.

Serendipity

is looking for something but finding something else and realizing what you found is better for you than what you wanted in the first place.

So with this on my mind I'm not so scared for the things to come. I had been thinking that maybe going in the direction I am, I might end up all wrong. There's a hope though, however cloudy the future is, I've got it. If I should fail in life based on my current course, hopefully serendipity will make an appearance. Sure, some can say that drudging on without regard and using a magic such as serendipity is reckless and an excuse for such failure, but really not taking a leap of faith can be considered even more reckless.

now I'll leave any semblance of deep thought so I can make this small statement.
I'm pretty much going stir crazy stuck at home forever with the prospect of no spring break, gahh.

I don't wanna write a love song for the world, I just wanna write a song 'bout a boy & a girl

7 Card Stud

You stretch and yawn.
You say you're tired of this,
but you can't stop now,
it's not in your nature to stop.
She can't breathe anymore.
And as her spirit rips from her body,
it takes her heart along-
both crashing to the ground
as the gravity of your presence obliterates them.
She broke the rules by trying to escape.
But there is no pain.
She is firewood burning,
once oaken and now lifeless.
There are no cries of pain,
only the crackling of her bones as you make one last bet.
You ease back for a split second and she's restored,
even more engrossed in you than before.
You gain back her trust simply by making eye contact,
make her think there will be hope,
then turn on her again.
It's all a game to you and she will never win.
You have no eyes, no heart, no soul,
but you're always the champion.
You're the rulemaker.
But something's different this time.
She has a glow about her.
You panic.
The cards you're holding are useless.
She can see it in your face.
Oh Infatuation,
I'm calling your bluff.

The 7 Degrees of Kevin Bacon: Lover's Lane Edition

I've been thinking recently about how people throw the "l-word" around so much and realized there are different degrees of love. As long as you can distinguish a difference between them, you're golden. So here's what I've broken it down into, even though the romanticism in me is trying to persuade me to not analyze it, ha.

-Love of an inanimate object, many times similar objects are considered an obsession like in my case:certain television shows, tea, chapstick, ideals (Gibran's philosophy even though I don't know him personally) and words in general, and sometimes to an even greater degree simply by an overwhelming feeling for something (ex. The Fall, a movie that totally floored me.)
-Love of a living creature other than a human such as for a pet.
-Love of friends, typically based on a strong connection but sometimes used as a filler when one person is extremely happy due to the action of a friend.
-Love of someone that has a childish nature, known as puppy love.
-Love of a friend of the opposite sex with some degree of romanticism, actually called philos love.
-Love of a person of the opposite sex with intense romanticism many times confused with infatuation, based on physical connections (pheromones, dopamine levels going crazy) which is reciprocated and called eros love.
-Love deemed unrequited that is similar to an intense eros love which is nonreciprocating to some degree whether by choice, situation, or consequence.
-Love on a spiritual level called agape love, higher than any other degree because it is completely selfless and continuous whether or not reciprocated, the ultimate example being God.