ehh..

I don't really have a topic for this blog cause I really can't focus right now...well I've been sick all day :/ So, in lieu of an intelligent discussion, here are some random rantings.
I totally bombed my calculus quiz cause my head was pounding (no it's not swine flu!)
On the subject of school, I have to say that the AB sked. sucks! Oh and I'm all miffed cause every time I write something for Kreiger I suck at it. Maybe I'm just biased against myself in a negative way, but I really, really, really need to step it up. Grr
college plans as of now: GA state for two years, then transfer to S.C. perhaps?

current physical state:blehhh
Not only am I sick today, but I'm also achy in the heart (stupid iceberg!) Anyway, I'm really trying to focus on my future and not so much about what's happening right now. The drama continues as one of my "closest friends" decided that it was wrong for me to be nominated for homecoming for a second year. Apparently she thinks it's selfish of me and that a different friend of ours should've gotten on (she voted for herself when she's been on it before and that's not selfish?) Well I say fuck it! I'm tired of all the b.s. drama that could easily be avoided if everyone loves eachother like we should.

ehh that's all for now...I want some tea so Imma go get that now. Oh and I can't even do yoga today cause my body won't allow me to-I can hardly breathe and my neck is sore-so much for stress reduction!
:/

Hope

So my "mother" is a freaking lunatic

news to anyone, I think not

she gets mad at someone else and takes it out on whomever she feels it will devour

I'm tired, I'm emotionally miserable

I'm severing all ties, tonight

This has gone on way too long and it's utterly foolish

she can say whatever she damn well pleases, I'm finished caring

I'm not gonna cry over it ever again

when all else fails, we see hope as the remaining shred of our hold on life

but all is lost with her

this too shall pass they say, well I'm taking control and making sure of it

there are more important tragedies to shed tears over, this is merely a formality

9 months to go, status of the spirit and mind: on leave for now, freedom awaits

blackbird fly

So first day o' senior year!
I should feel a tremendous sense of impending freedom right?
Well, I feel even more constricted than years past. I don't mean in school itself, because I enjoyed my first day, it's just that the constant bickering when I get home is enough to make me want to scream. I know that I could just say what's on my heart to say, but I would blow any chances of making this year great. I'd decimate the little freedom I have. I'd be even more miserable.
I have 9 months left till I can move out of this "home".
I use quotations around this word because the wholesome definition that should be applied to it, happens to be very far from what I'm dealing with, though I realize I have it alot better than some. That's what keeps me going though, thinking that I can persevere because it could be alot worse.

All in all I have this heavy sense of urgency concerning my course in life, my fervent need for a free spirit, and the song I most relate to at the moment is Blackbird by The Beatles.